holding effort, holding ease

out of a cracked window
in the darkness of tinted windows
finger tips appear,
cigarette heavy, ashes drop, unable to hold.
too much weight.

and i paused
watching the effort, the ease of how one can brush ashes from flame
untainted by bits and bits and bits

and i held a beauty
perfect flower
petals white
pure
solid and transparent as ash
pollen-laden
heavy. unable to hold.
too much weight.

and in holding the ease of just being,
i flinched

and my once-held ease, became exertion
an effort of hardness
to erase beauty

and evermore, i am tainted with knowledge
of how one can brush ashes from flame
effortlessly